I must admit, I feel paralyzed. And I guess I’m not the only one. I’m not able to work on my patterns, my knitting or crochet projects or anything else. I’m frozen.
Creativity is something that only comes to you when you have superfluous energy (good or bad). If you’re super sad or super happy for example. If your high or low. If you have strong emotions, opinions on something or if your mindset tells you to act, to get into something. But this situation feels like losing all energy and to remain just “functioning”. Trying to act normal, for the sake of our kids for example, who already show symptoms of fear and uncertainty. All day I try to act “normal”. But after two days of convincing my husband and my kids of #andratuttobene I must admit, I’m not sure anymore.
To get things straight: I’m not afraid of the virus. I’m afraid of myself being at home with all of us (my son (9), my daughter (8), my baby girl (6 months) and my husband) for probably months. To not be able to provide every familymember what he or she needs. To not be patient enough with everyone. To not be alone like ever. To not have anymore time with my baby only. To not be able to work on creative projects, because everything that matters is to gain money and to accept as many translation projects as possible, since my husband cannot work anymore (he’s a musician). I know, people may think, these thoughts are quite selfish, but I guess it’s rather being honest and being aware of yourself, your needs, your bounderies. If you know them you can prevent becoming a total mental wrack. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
I hope things turn out a bit better as we now assume they will. And that everyone of us will be able to manage the new situation. Every family has its own balance that’s now under pressure and needs to be redefined. Which is also quite a chance, isn’t it? These months won’t be about “me”, they’ll be about “us”, not only in our microenvironment, but in our village, town or city, our country, our planet. And this is true for all families around the globe. Maybe after we’ll all be done with the corona crises we can use our new skills and findings into saving our planet. Maybe – just maybe – we need exactly this crises to become finally aware of what kind of future we’re facing.
Meanwhile my husband and I are working in our permagarden and cooking and baking with our kids which feels awesome. Next week we start homeschooling them which is also a great possibility for us as a family. I hope you all find something that you couldn’t do on a regular basis, but now you find the time for it. And I really hope instead of running, working, stressing, rescheduling we’ll find the energy to ENDURE. To be more patient. To be a “plural” not a singular. And to be fine with this on a long term, too.